How to Approach Someone Who Might Have an Eating Disorder
People often find it difficult to "confront" someone who might have an eating disorder. The difficulty in approaching someone may be due to the shame and secrecy often associated with the disorder. It may be due to having limited understanding about eating disorders. The following guidelines are for you when you try to offer help.
Learn more about eating disorders. Knowledge is power.

The person you are about to help will sense and appreciate your sensitivity and understanding, if you know what is it like for her or him to have an eating disorder. You can find information at the Counseling Center, Health Education Services, and Student Health Services. You can also request a consultation with a professional from these offices to find out effective ways to assist the person.

Collect concrete information.

Pay attention to evidence of at-risk behaviors, such as purging, skipping meals, compulsively exercising, and abusing laxatives and/or diet pills. Also, observe signs of distress such as depression, irritability, complaining of being tired and weak, and difficulty concentrating. Be as objective as you can be in this data-collection process.

 

If help is rejected,
do not feel discouraged.

Denial is a common obstacle to any recovery. As long as you have expressed your concern, allow the person time to consider what you have discussed, s/he will return to you at some point when s/he is ready for help. If you are unsure of the seriousness of the situation or if further action is needed, seek consultation.

 

Know your limits.

You may continue to feel concerned for the person whether or not s/he goes for help. Remain open and available if s/he needs to talk to you, but do not overextend yourself and your time. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or drained as a result of helping others, please feel free to seek consultation from a professional.

Invite the person for a private talk.

Once you think you have enough concrete information from your own observations or others' reports and/or you have consulted with a professional, invite the person for a private talk. Stay with the facts/behaviors you have observed. For example, "I noticed that you have complained about feeling weak for the past two weeks, "I was informed that you tend to exercise for hours within a day," or "It is my observation that you appear distressed." Use "I" statements to avoid any feeling of accusation from the person. Avoid blaming and making assumptions such as "You have caused a lot of concern among people who care about you" or "You definitely have an eating disorder."

If help is accepted, refer the person to the Counseling Center or Student Health Services.

These two services work closely together in meeting the needs of students. Let the student choose whichever one s/he feels more comfortable with.

Gently ask if she or he
thinks help is needed.

You may say, "Based on my observations, I am concerned about your health and well-being. I am not sure if you have an eating disorder or any other concern, but a professional would be able to tell better. Would you consider getting help? If so, I will help you to get in touch with someone." You would be surprised that people suffering from eating disorders may be ready to get help as soon as you reach out to them. On the other hand, they might deny having any problems; in this situation, you cannot do much beyond what you have done. Stay firm, caring, and supportive no matter what the outcome is.

 

Prepared by the Eating Disorders and Body Image Concerns Task Force,

George Mason University, Revised January 2002