Reflections from Brian Isfeld.
What now? What course of action does one in a situation such as I find
myself and my family take? Do we maintain a "Stiff upper Lip" and carry on
with our lives as if nothing has changed? Do we spend the rest of our lives
grieving, wishing that the incident had never happened; believing against
reality that at any time the doorbell will ring and Mark will be standing
there, grinning and laughing, re-entering our lives on earth and making all
the events of the past while a horrible dream? Do we let the circumstances
drive us into an untenable existence, going through the motions of daily
life without feeling or caring what comes next?
Do we dwell on the possibility that this is not the end of a sequence,
rather only the beginning, of events that will ultimately destroy our well
being and bring to our lives to a sordid and sorrowful conclusion? Do we
stand by silent while the memory of deeds done and lives given are dimmed
and relegated to the musty corners of peoples minds? An act ultimately
resulting in the same mistakes being made again, and the flaring up briefly
of indignation and despair at a system that demands sacrifice from the
individual for the betterment of the whole, yet seemingly relegates that
sacrifice to statistical data within the frame work of bureaucracy.
Shortly before the funeral, Captain Dana Woodworth, while in conversation
with me, made a comment, or perhaps rather a query: Along with a copy of my
wifes poem, My son - Our sons, which had been printed in a local newspaper
I had added the postscript " God help this nation if my son died in vain".
His perception of the statement was that it was an angry statement, a
condemnation perhaps of Canada and the "system", both military and
government. And there is perhaps some truth to this perception, however the
statement written by me at that time was made with a feeling of sorrow, not
anger: A genuine feeling that if the death of Mark under the circumstances
in which he passed did not have some positive effect on future actions by
our military and government: that is, if we did not learn something that
would ultimately save the life of another soldier in another place in the
future, our great country would indeed need the help I professed, and my
son would have indeed died in vain.
I feel as strongly about this now, some eight months later, more
convinced that the statement bears investigation, than I did at the time.
Events of recent times, related, yet entirely separate from, the
circumstances of marks demise bear this out. The deaths in British Columbia
of many others; The victims of Clifford Olson in past years, more recently
in Kelowna of Mindy Tran, and perhaps foremost in the minds of many, that of
Melanie Carpenter, the victim of abduction, rape and murder, "allegedly"
by an individual released after serving a short sentence for related crimes
bears this out. The ludicrous judgements handed down by a couple of our
"lawmakers and enforcers" that drunkenness is an acceptable defence for wife
beating; The covert release into our society of pedophiles with no regard
for the safety of our children, only for the rights of the criminal, and
not for the victim bears this out. Our country does need the help of God,
for surely it is not being looked after well by the people who make the laws
and carry out the statutes as laid down.
To address only one of the recent occurences, the Melanie Carpenter case,(
in which a convicted rapist and felon was released on parole) I am
convinced that it is only through the tenacity and drive of a bereaved
father and support from ordinary citizens rallying to his cause, that any
positive action will come to conclusion, a conclusion that will maybe save
lives in the future, a conclusion that should not have to be precipitated by
him, but should be a logical result of common sense among the people who run
this country. (Canada)
Fortunately, we as a nation seem to be coming out of our "Canadian
Complacency" and the citizens of this country are starting to say to the
powers that be, "enough is enough." "You apparently are inept or unwilling
to stay on the track of common sense, therefore we the people are taking
back the reins of sensibility." "We will continue to decimate political
parties, and political power mongers until we arrive at a state of sensible,
just, honest, and fair government."
Yes, there is anger in my statement, but much, much more sorrow than anger.
I am amazed also at the number of people I have met and talked to who have
been in situations similar to that of my own. That is, having lost a child
through accident or crime, and, due seemingly to the fact that it is not
natural for our children to die before us, having to bear the results
stoically and meld back into the thread of society as if nothing happened.
The simple fact as I see it is that the majority of people do not want to
think about death. They do not look upon death as an extension of life,
something that is inevitable for us all. In the whole, they see death as
something that is uncomfortable to deal with , therefore is easier to
relegate to the "back burner." Although the majority may not say it, they
think, when confronted with the Wife, Mother, Father ,Brother or children of
the deceased, "You make me uncomfortable." "You remind me of the
infallibility of my own existence, therefore I do not want to be reminded of
your predicament." " If I talk to you at all, I will talk about anything
but your circumstance."
My friends, we are all going to die. You may as well accept it and
prepare for it.
And if we are prepared, we are informed. And if we are informed, we are
ready: ready to make our lives on earth for the short time we are allotted
a meaningful thing, a happy time, a prosperous time. A time in which we
have the opportunity to give to the world an idea, an invention, A deed, A
word, or a service that can be a legacy to those in the future.
Our death need not be meaningless. Our deaths can be the vehicle for
change for the better, as I hope Melanie Carpenter's death ultimately proves
to be; and I hope, and I feel that Marks death, and his deeds in life,
can and will be an inspiration to make changes for the better of our
country, and for all mankind in some way.
Brian L. Isfeld Courtenay B.C. 23 Jun1995
The National Film Board of Canada has just completed a three part series on
the events in the former Yugoslavia. Three video cassettes entitled "Caught
in the Crossfire", "God's Command", and "The Price of Duty" which is
dedicated to and about Mark and the engineers.
On 16 Jun Carol and I attended the World Premier of the films in Calgary
Alberta, and they were well received. They have a special offer good until
Jul 30 for the three cassettes of $39.95 Canadian, which is almost free in
American dollars, for all three. Anyone interested can call 1-
800-267-7710, or fax (514) 283-7564, or write to National Film Board of
Canada, Protection Force Videos, P.O. Box 61000, Station Centre-Ville,
Montreal Quebec, Canada, H3C 3H5
Anyone interested in talking to me can reach me at blisfeld@mars.ark.com or
phone me at (604) 338 8078 or fax (604) 338 8280
Brian Isfeld, Site 326 C14 RR3
Courtenay BC
V9N 5M8
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