To keep the attention and confidence of readers, writers must revise for conciseness. The general rule is to say everything that is relevant in as few words as possible.

 Note the difference:
 
 

There are two pine trees which grow behind this house.
Two pine trees grow behind this house.

 On his left shoulder is a small figure standing. He is about the size of the doctor's head.
On his left shoulder stands a small figure, about the size of the doctor's head.

 The judge is seated behind the bench and he is wearing a judicial robe.
The judge, wearing a robe, sits behind the bench.
 
 

Suggestions for revision:
 
 

• Look at your first draft. Study each sentence to see what can be deleted, without losing meaning or emphasis.

 

 

• Read each paragraph, preferably aloud, to be sure that each sentence supports the topic sentence and clarifies your point.

 

 

• Leave in concrete and specific examples. Cut out the deadwood that chokes them, such as extra words, empty phrases, weak qualifiers, negative constructions, wordy uses of the verb "to be," extra verbs and verb phrases.

 

 

Instant Prose:

 Compare these two sentences:

 Frequently a chapter in a book reveals to the reader the main point that the author desires to bring out during the course of the chapter.
A chapter's title often reveals its thesis.

 Other examples of instant prose:

 Although the essay is simple in plot, the theme encompasses many vital concepts of emotional make-up.

 Following a transcendental vein, the nostalgia in the poem takes on a spiritual quality.

 Instant prose is an acquired habit that comes from students being forced to write ten page papers or being told by overly technical teachers that a paragraph must contain at least three sentences, or that a thesis is stated in the introduction, elaborated upon in the body, and repeated in the conclusion.
 

How to Avoid Instant Prose:
 
 

• Write what you mean -- nothing more, nothing less.

 

 

• Distrust your first draft. Learn to recognize instant prose in your writing and others' writing.

 

 

• Trust yourself and respect yourself as a writer enough to state, but not overstate, what you mean.

 

 

 One of the principal and most persistent sources of error that tends to bedevil a considerable proportion of contemporary literary analysis is the assumption that the writer's creative process is a wholly conscious and purposive type of activity.

The assumption that the writer's creative process is wholly conscious bedevils much contemporary criticism.
 

What to Look for When Revising for Conciseness

 Extra words and empty words

 Replace them with specific, direct language.

 Wordy:

 1. However, it must be remembered that Ruth's marriage could have positive effects on Naomi's situation.

 2. In high school, where I had the opportunity for three years of owrking with the student government, I realized how significantly a person's enthusiasm can be destroyed merely by the attitudes of his superiors.

 3. The economic situation of Miss Moddy was also a crucial factor in the formation of her character.

 Concise:

 1. Ruth's marriage, however, will also provide security for Naomi.

 2. In high school, during three years on the student council, I saw students' enthusiasm destroyed by insecure teachers and cynical administrators.

 3. Anne Moody's poverty also helped form her character.
 

Weak intensifiers and qualifiers:

 Words like very, quite, completely, definitely, and so are a few common examples of weak intensifiers and qualifiers. Most often, the sentences can be more emphatic without them. Try reading the following sentences with and without the words in brackets.
 
 

• We found the proposal [quite] feasible.

 

 

• The remark, though unkind, was [entirely] accurate.

 

 

• The scene was [extremely] typical.

 

 

• That behavior is [fairly] unique for such an intelligent animal.

 

 

• The first line [definitely] establishes that the father had been drinking.

 

 

Wordy beginnings:

 Vague, empty words and phrases clog the beginning of sentences, making them not only unnecessarily long, but difficult to understand as well.

 Examples:

 Wordy: By analyzing carefully the last lines in this stanza, you find the connections between the loose ends of the poem.
Concise: The last lines of the stanza connect the loose ends of the poem.

 Wordy: What the cartoonist is illustrating and trying to get across is the greed of the oil producers.
Concise: The cartoon illustrates the greed of the oil producers.
 

Empty conclusions:

 Often a sentence that begins well has an empty conclusion. A short sentence is not necessarily concise. Be specific and concrete in your conclusion. Don't lose your readers by being ambivalent.

 Empty: In both Orwell's and Baldwin's essays, the feeling of white supremacy is very important. (How is it important? Why?)
Concise: Both Orwell and Baldwin trace the consequences of white supremacy.
 

Wordy uses of the verb "to be"

 Compare the following examples.

 Wordy: The scene is taking place at night, in of the capitol building.
Concise: The scene takes place at night, in front of the capitol building.

 Wordy: The friar has knowledge that Juliet is alive.
Concise: The friar knows that Juliet is alive.
 

Redundancy:

 Unlike repetition, which often provides emphasis or coherence (ex. Government of the people, by the people, and for the people), redundancy can always be eliminated.

 Examples:

 Redundant: Any student could randomly sit anywhere. (If the students could sit anywhere, it was obviously random seating!)
Concise: Students could sit anywhere.
 

Negative Constructions:

 Examples:

 Wordy: Housing for married students is not unworthy of consideration.
Concise: Housing for married students is worthy of consideration.
 

Extra sentences, Extra Clauses: Subordination:

 Sentences are sometimes wordy because ideas are given more elaborate grammatical constructions than they need. In revising, these constructions may be reduced.

 Examples:

 Wordy: The Book of Ruth was probably written in the fifth century B.C. It was a time when women were considered the property of men.
Concise: The Book of Ruth was probably written in the fifth century B.C., when women were considered the property of men.

 Wordy: George Orwell is the pen name of Eric Blair who was an English writer.
Concise: George Orwell is the pen name of Eric Blair, an English writer.
 

Also, watch for sentences and clauses beginning with it is, this is, there are.

 Examples:

 Wordy: This is a quotation from Black Elk's autobiography which discloses his prophetic powers.
Concise: This quotation from Black Elk's autobiography discloses his prophetic powers.

 Wordy: It is frequently considered that Hamlet is Shakespeare's most puzzling play.
Concise: Hamlet is frequently considered to be Shakespeare's most puzzling play.

(Excerpts taken from: Barnet, Sylvan and Marcia Stubbs. Barnett and Stubbs Practical Guide to Writing. Boston and Toronto: Little, Brown and Company, 1980.)