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Healthy Relationships
Boundaries
Signs of Healthy Boundaries
- Revealing a little of yourself at a time, then checking to see how the other person responds to your sharing
- Moving step by step into intimacy
- Appropriate trust
- Putting a new acquaintanceship on hold until you check for compatibility
- Deciding whether a potential relationship will be good for you
- Staying focused on your own growth
- Saying “No” without experiencing tidal waves of guilt
- No longer feeling responsible for making a relationship work or making another person happy
- No longer blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong in a relationship or friendship
- Weighing the consequence before acting on a sexual (or other) impulse
- Being sexual when you want to be sexual
- Maintaining personal values despite what others want
- Being able to disagree with a friend and still maintain the friendship
- Noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries
- Noticing when someone invades your boundaries
- Saying "NO" to food, gifts, touch, sex you don't want
- Asking a person before touching them
- Respect for others--not taking advantage of someone's generosity
- Self-respect--not giving too much in hope that someone will like you
- Not allowing someone to take advantage of your generosity
- Trusting your own decisions
- Defining your truth, as you see it
- Knowing who you are and what you want
- Recognizing that friends and partners are not mind-readers
- Clearly communicating your wants and needs (and recognizing that you may be turned down, but you can ask)
- Realizing that you are not responsible for the actions of others
- Becoming your own loving parent
- Talking to yourself with gentleness, humor, love and respect
(Source: Adapted from: a lecture by Pia Mellody, Wickenburg, Arizona 1990; Smart Love by Jody Hayes)
A Dater's Bill of Rights
Please click here for the Dater's Bill of Rights
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