Recovery
Sexual Assault Survivors' Questions
Will I Ever Feel Safe Again?
Survivors of sexual assault have expressed a spectrum of fears, and a legitimate concern for their safety. These fears are normal, and each person will need her/his own time to heal and to feel safe again.
Some people are afraid at home (whether or not the assault occurred there), and some may be afraid when they go out. They may fear being alone while at the same time feel a need to isolate themselves. Others feel mistrustful of others; this is especially true if you know your assailant. These feelings may go away, but it will take time for them to subside. Staying with a close friend or supportive relative for a while may be helpful. Talking with a sexual assault counselor can be a vital connection that can help you through this difficult time.
It is not uncommon after a sexual assault to want to purchase a weapon. Weapons can foster dependence on an external object for protection or can be taken away and used against you. Some people, especially those who are trained in the use of weapons, find this to be a viable choice.
A more empowering alternative to weapons may be to enroll in a self-defense course. This can help turn fear into anger and then into action. You can learn how to use awareness, assertiveness, and physical action to defend yourself. Learning self-defense is one way of dealing with fear and anxiety. It can empower you and help you heal more quickly from the assault, especially if you were assaulted by someone you know. Look for a class which is recommended by your local sexual assault crisis center.
Becoming familiar with self-protection strategies and being alert can help you regain a feeling of safety inside and outside your home (see below).
Another effective method for calming these fears is called systematic desensitization. With the help of a partner or close friend, make a list of the things you are afraid of doing. Put the things you fear least at the top of the list and end with activities you fear most. Take a few deep, relaxing breaths, and then imagine yourself doing the first thing on the list. Try to keep your body relaxed as you visualize successfully completing the activity. Proceed to the next activity on the list only if you feel relaxed and able to do so. Take as much time as you need to work through each listing.
The next step is to try the activity, first with a friend, and later alone, if you feel it is safe to do so. Confronting each fearful situation at your own pace will help empower you to live without the fears and constraints that naturally occur following an assault.
Fear and mistrust are a very normal, natural, and common reaction to a sexual assault. Many survivors look for quick solutions, like the suggestions that follow. Sometimes reading these suggestions can create a sense of guilt. You may think you could have prevented the assault. But, the responsibility for sexual assault lies with the offender, even if you knew him/her.
Source: Adapted by GMU Sexual Assault Services from the L.A. Commission for Women
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