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Recovery
Sexual Assault Survivors' Questions
Why Did I Wait This Long?
Try not to punish yourself for not having dealt with the abuse sooner. There can be many excellent reasons why you didn't do it until now:
- The abuse was still too fresh. You needed time and distance to regain your equilibrium and again enough perspective to begin your recovery work.
- You hadn't defined it as abuse. It takes time and correct information to undo lies. What might be obvious to an outsider is not necessarily apparent to someone In the midst of a situation.
- You were still caught by the ways that the perpetrator got you to keep silent. It is difficult to question what we learned as children.
- You were afraid. Although the abusive situation is over, it can still feel dangerous. Even a dead perpetrator's presence can be felt strongly.
- The time and place weren't right. Not everyone is ready to hear about sexual abuse. You were right to wait until you found a safe and supportive environment for recovery.
- You didn't know that you had options. Women and men have only recently begun to work on the sexual abuse recovery. This is a brand new area for people.
- You were feeling weak, battered and helpless to take action for yourself. Or you felt like such a terrible person that you didn't feel deserving of anything better.
- There was too much else going on. When you are dealing with daily crises and a basic struggle for survival, there are few resources and little energy felt over for anything else. You had to get your life under better control in the present before tackling the past.
This list could go on, but you get the point. Forget about self-blame. The reality is that you couldn't have done what you are doing one minute sooner. The time wasn't right, and for whatever reasons, you weren't ready. Punishing yourself about it isn't realistic. Neither will it decrease your recovery time. If anything, it will get in the way of your progress. There are solid reasons why most survivors don't begin to deal with these issues until they are in their thirties, forties, or fifties. People in their teens and twenties usually are still locked inn denial and confusion to take much action on their recovery. If you stated this work in your teens, you're off to a good start. But don't worry if you didn't. People start their recovery in different ways and at different points in their lives. We have no choice but to work in the present. The future is promising. You are exactly where you should be in your recovery process.
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