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Relationship Violence

The Cycle of Violence

Violence between intimates and dating partners is often cyclical. This cycle can be characterized by three distinct stages:

The Tension Building Stage – at this stage the tension is building and the abuser becomes increasingly agitated and edgy, building up to an explosion.

The Explosion Stage – The abuser verbally, physically, and/or sexually abuses the victim. Generally the attack is worse than the abuse inflicted during the tension building stage.

Honeymoon Stage – (also known as the “making up stage”) this stage follows the explosion stage and is characterized by romance and the abuser’s apologies and promises never to do it again. The behavior exhibited by the abuser during this stage often keeps the relationship together. The victim believes that the abuser is kind and loving and will not be violent again. (At the end of this stage, tension building begins once again.)

Dater's Bill of Rights:

1. I have the right to refuse a date without feeling guilty.
2. I can ask for a date without feeling rejected or inadequate if the answer is no.
3. I do not have to act macho.
4. If I don't want physical closeness, I have the right to say no.
5. I have the right to proceed with a relationship at my own pace, and to say, "I want to know you better before I become involved."
6. I have the right to be myself without changing to suit others.
7. I have the right to change a relationship when my feelings change. I can say, "We used to be close, but I want something else now."
8. If I am told a relationship is changing, I have the right not to blame or change myself to keep it going.
9. I have the right to an equal relationship with my partner.
10. I have the right not to dominate or be dominated.
11. I have the right to act one way with one person and a different way with someone else.
12. I have the right to change my goals whenever I want to.
13. I have the right to change my mind about having sexual contact, and I have the right to stop sexual contact at any time.
14. I have the right to tell someone I do not like the way I have been treated and that I choose to end the date or relationship.

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