What is Acquaintance Rape?
Acquaintance rape occurs when one individual forces, coerces or manipulates another individual he or she knows to have sexual intercourse against the other's will and without consent. It is one of the most common types of sexual assault and one of the least understood. It is rape if:
-- Your attacker is an acquaintance, date, good friend or spouse.
-- You engaged in sexual touching and kissing, but then were forced to have
intercourse against your will.
-- You have had sex with that person before, but this time said no.
-- You froze and did not or could not say no or were unable to fight back
physically.
-- There was no weapon involved.
If you have been sexually assaulted, you are not to blame, even if:
-- You were drinking or using drugs. Being high does not give another the
right to assault you.
-- You were wearing clothes that others may see as seductive. Remember,
rape is an act of violence, not sexual gratification.
-- You have been sexually intimate with that person or with others.
Everyone has the right to decide when she or he wants to be sexual.
Precautions
There are actions you can take to reduce the risk of being involved in acquaintance rape. While there are no foolproof methods, the following are some useful suggestions:
Communicate your limits clearly. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, tell him or her early and firmly. Say "No" when you mean "No."
Be assertive. Others often interpret passive behavior as permission. It's your body and no one has the right to force you to do anything you don't want to do. Don't worry about being "polite" if someone is not respecting your wishes. Being assertive can be difficult and may require training and practice.
Be alert. Alcohol and drugs can impair your judgment and ability to make responsible decisions, and you may end up in an undesirable situation. Always have a plan to get yourself home.
Trust your intuition. If you sense danger or you're feeling nervous about someone else's behavior, it's best to remove yourself from that situation immediately.
The Myths About Acquaintance Rape
Rape is committed by crazed Most women are raped by "normal" strangers. acquaintances.
A woman who gets raped deserves No one, male or female, deserves to be it, especially if she agreed raped. Being in a man's house or car to go to the man's house or does not mean a woman has agreed to ride in his car. have sex with him.
Women who don't fight back haven't You have been raped when you are forced
been raped. to have sex against your will,
whether you fight back or not.
If there's no gun or knife, you It's rape whether the rapist uses a
haven't been raped. weapon or his fists, verbal threats,
drugs or alcohol, physical isolation,
or your own diminished physical or
mental state, or simply the weight
of his body to overcome you.
It's not really rape if the Rape is rape. The issue of virginity is victim isn't a virgin. is irrelevant.
If a woman lets a man buy her No one owes sex as a payment to anyone dinner or pay for a movie or else, no matter how expensive the drinks, she owes him sex. date.
Agreeing to kiss or neck or pet Everyone has the right to say "no" to with a man means that a women sexual activity, regardless of what has agreed to have intercourse has preceded it, and to have that with him. "no" respected.
When men are sexually aroused, Men don't physically need to have sex they need to have sex or they after becoming aroused any more than will get "blue balls." women do. Men are able to control Once they get turned on, men the male organs even after becoming can't help themselves from forcing sexually excited.sex on a women.
Most women lie about being raped, Rape really happens -- to people you especially when they accuse know, by people you know. It happens men they date or other more often than it is reported.acquaintances.
Resisting Acquaintance Rape
adpated by GMU from
The Los Angeles Commission on Assaults Against Women, 1987
There are various theories about acquaintance rape resistance strategies. One widely accepted view was developed by Py Bateman of Alternatives to Fear in Seattle, WA. She describes three stages in this kind of rape:
Stage 1: Intrusion At this stage, the potential victim needs to be able to recognize intrusion and effectively communicate that it is unacceptable. Be specific about what the offensive behavior is, clear that it is not welcome, and definite that it must stop. This doesn't rule out courteous behavior. Yet, it is a good idea to avoid apology or humor, as either might undermine the message.
Stage 2: Desensitization In this stage, the first task is to resist desensitization by not "getting used to" sexually coercive behavior. It can be difficult to deal with the negative reactions as we tell abusive men to stop. Consider enlisting the aid of a buddy with whom to discuss such interactions; she can praise your successes and help you deal with any negative reactions.
The second task is to identify the men who get clear communication, possibly repeatedly, and choose to ignore it. There can be no question now regarding their motives. These are the ones to consider potentially dangerous. Consider whether you want them in your life at all, if you have a choice in the matter. If they are hard to avoid because they are relatives, neighbors, co-workers, etc., make plans to avoid isolation with them.
Stage 3: Isolation To avoid isolation with a potentially dangerous man, look at the ways you interact with him in the course of everyday life. Refuse to accept rides with him, make sure that you do not work late when he does, line up allies who will join you if it looks like he is maneuvering you to isolation.
Often sexually aggressive men are harassing a number of women in the same circle. When we do not talk to each other, we are isolated in another way. Sharing information about your experience with such a man can help create allies, which can be very important in the case of an attempted rape, or in a formal sexual harassment complaint at work.