After a rape, survivors may be openly upset, even hysterical, or they may be numb and seemingly calm. The victim needs to:

Obtain medical assistance. She may particularly need medical attention

in the first three days. She should obtain STD testing, a pregnancy test,

counseling, and treatment for injuries.

Feel safe. Rape is a traumatic violation of a person. Especially in

the beginning, it is often difficult for victims to be alone. Stay with

her and find supportive people for her to turn to.

Be believed. With date rape especially, victims need to be believed

that what occurred was, in fact, a rape. This is a very important fact in

recovery. Don't blame her or agree if she blames herself. Even if she

made some bad decisions, no one asks to be raped. According to FBI statistics

98% of reported assaults are true, only 2% false. This is the same as with

all other reported crimes.

Know it was not her fault. Most rape victims feel guilty and feel that the

attack was somehow their fault.

Take control of her life. When a person is raped, she may feel completely

out of control of what is happening to her. A significant step on the road

to recovery is to regain a sense of control in little, as well as big,

things. Give her choices to make and empower her.

Things you can do to help:

Listen; do not judge. It is not your place to play prosecutor and

make her prove her story. Accept her version of the facts and be

supportive. Don't ask for details and don't offer any explanations for

why this occurred. You may have to deal with your feelings separately if

you feel that it was somehow her fault. Many rape counseling services

can be helpful to friends and relatives of women who have been victims.

Offer shelter. If it is possible, stay with her at her place or let her

at least spend one night at your place. This is not the time for her to

be alone.

Be available. She may need to talk at odd hours, or a great deal at the

beginning. She may not have a lot of people she can talk to and she may

overrely on one person. Be there as much as you can and encourage

her to either call a hot line or go for counseling.

Give comfort. She has been badly treated. She needs to be nurtured.

Let her know she is not to blame. This is crucial. Many rape victims

blame themselves. She needs to be reassured that the rapist is to blame,

she is not.

Be patient and understanding. Everyone has her own timetable for

recovering from rape. Do not impose one on the victim.

Encourage action - for example, suggest she call a hotline, go

to the hospital or health center, and/or call the police. Respect her

decision if she decides not to file charges.

Do not be overly protective; encourage her to make her own decisions.

She needs to feel in control of her life and this will not be possible if

you do everything for her.

Accept her choice of solution to the rape - even if you disagree with

what she is doing. It is more important that she make decisions and have

them respected than it is for you to impose what you think is the "right"

decision.

Put aside your feelings, and deal with them somewhere else. Although it

is important for a rape survivor to know that others are equally upset

with what happened, it does her no good if on top of her feelings, she

also has to deal with, for example, your feelings of rage and anger. If

you have strong feelings, talk to another friend or to a local hotline.

Source: Hughes, Jean O'Gorman. "Project on the Status and Education of Women." April 1987.