If you have any doubts about what your partner wants, STOP, ASK, CLARIFY.
Your desires may be beyond your control but your actions are within your
control. Sexual excitement does not justify forced sex.
Do not assume her desire for affection is the same as a desire for
intercourse.
Not having sex or not "scoring" does not mean you are not a "real man."
It is OK not to "score."
A woman who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you as a
person; she is expressing her decision not to participate in a single act at
that time.
No one asks to be raped. No matter how a woman behaves she does not deserve
to have her body used in ways she does not want.
"No" means no. If you do not accept a woman's "no" you might risk raping
someone whom you thought meant yes."
Taking sexual advantage of a person who is mentally or physically incapable of
giving consent (for example drunk) is rape. If a woman has had too much to
drink and has passed out or is not in control of herself, having sex with
her is rape.
The fact that you were intoxicated is not legal defense to rape. You are
responsible for your actions whether you are sober or not.
Be aware that a man's size and physical presence can be intimidating to
women. Many victims report that the fear they felt based on the man's size
and presence was the reason why they did not fight back or struggle.
What Should You Do If Someone Tries to Force Sexual Activity on You?
Stay calm and think. Figure out what your options are and how safe it is to
resist.
Say "no" strongly. Do not smile; do not act friendly or polite.
Say something like "Stop-it. this is rape." This might shock the rapist
into stopping.
Assess the situation. Figure out how you can escape. Are there any other
people around?
Look for an escape route. If you can figure out a way to distract him you
may be able to escape.
Act quickly if possible. The longer you stay in the situation the fewer
your options.
Ask yourself if it is safe to resist. This is a critical question. Women who
fight back initially, who hit and scream, have a much higher chance of
avoiding the successful completion of an assault than women who plead or try
to talk their way out of the situation. Nevertheless resistance will depend -
on the main question: is he armed?
If the man is UNARMED, then you have many options including:
yell as loudly as you can from your diaphragm. Noise attracts attention
and can startle your attacker.
fight back physically - punch him in the Adam's apple, poke your finger
in his eye, hit him with a lamp or other item, or kick him. Fight so
that you can escape, attacking eyes, nose, throat, groin, yelling as
loud as you can. Resistance may discourage the attacker or convince him
that it is too much trouble to continue. Resist only as long as it is
safe to do so. If resistance is dangerous, stop.
passive strategies**
use intimidation (lie; tell him your male roommate is on the way home;
tell him you have an STD -- herpes, AIDS, etc).
try to talk him out of it -- try to appeal to his humanity, his sense of
decency.
gain his confidence so that he might let his guard down and you can
escape
try to get him to see you as an individual person. Make him aware of the
effect he is having on you. Tell him that he is hurting you.
pretend to faint, throw up, act crazy.
If the man is ARMED, then:
try to talk him out of it.
try passive strategies**
Passive strategies depend on the assailant's reaction; in active physical
resistance, you are disabling your attacker in order to escape.
Your options are obviously a lot more limited when the man is armed with a
weapon. In those situations you are taking your life in your hands if you
decide to fight back. It may be possible to run away, if he is distracted,
but only do this if you are reasonably sure you can get away.
remember: submitting to rape because it seems to be the only viable option
is a form of self-defense.