from UVA's A Guide to Surviving Sexual Assault

as adapted by GMU Sexual Assault Services 1995

Survivors of sexual assault have expressed a spectrum of fears, and a legitimate concern for their safety. These fears are normal, and each person will need her/his own time to heal and to feel safe again.

Some people are afraid at home (whether or not the assault occurred there), and some may be afraid when they go out. They may fear being alone while at the same time feel a need to isolate themselves. Others feel mistrustful of others; this is especially true if you know your assailant. These feelings may go away, but it will take time for them to subside. Staying with a close friend or supportive relative for a while may be helpful. Talking with a sexual assault counselor can be a vital connection that can help you through this difficult time.

It is not uncommon after a sexual assault to want to purchase a weapon. Weapons can foster dependence on an external object for protection or can be taken away and used against you. Some people, especially those who are trained in the use of weapons, find this to be a viable choice.

A more empowering alternative to weapons may be to enroll in a self-defense course. This can help turn fear into anger and then into action. You can learn how to use awareness, assertiveness, and physical action to defend yourself. Learning self-defense is one way of dealing with fear and anxiety. It can empower you and help you heal more quickly from the assault, especially if you were assaulted by someone you know. Look for a class which is recommended by your local sexual assault crisis center.

Becoming familiar with self-protection strategies and being alert can help you regain a feeling of safety inside and outside your home (see below).

Another effective method for calming these fears is called systematic desensitization. With the help of a partner or close friend, make a list of the things you are afraid of doing. Put the things you fear least at the top of the list and end with activities you fear most. Take a few deep, relaxing breaths, and then imagine yourself doing the first thing on the list. Try to keep your body relaxed as you visualize successfully completing the activity. Proceed to the next activity on the list only if you feel relaxed and able to do so. Take as much time as you need to work through each listing.

The next step is to try the activity, first with a friend, and later alone, if you feel it is safe to do so. Confronting each fearful situation at your own pace will help empower you to live without the fears and constraints that naturally occur following an assault.

Fear and mistrust are a very normal, natural, and common reaction to a sexual assault. Many survivors look for quick solutions, like the suggestions that follow. Sometimes reading these suggestions can create a sense of guilt. You may think you could have prevented the assault. But, the responsibility for sexual assault lies with the offender, even if you knew him/her.

Safety when out with friends:

Carry enough change to make a phone call.

Carry a Cab number (carry enough money for a ride home).

Confront offensive behavior and leave if you are uncomfortable.

Meet at a neutral place.

Be aware that use of alcohol or drugs hampers your ability to defend

yourself.

If you feel "strange" about a situation, you have the right to leave,

even if your companion hasn't done anything obvious. That instinctive

feeling is a natural form of self-defense.

Safety at home:

Install locks on all doors and windows. Use them.

Know your neighbors, especially those who can be called in an emergency.

Having emergency signals worked out (i.e., whistle blasts during the

day, flashing lights at night) can help. Working with the Neighborhood

Watch can also be effective.

Avoid places where attackers might hide (bushes, alleys, etc.).

Maintain good visibility around the home. Trim shrubs and trees.

Make sure all areas are well lit.

Install a peep-hole in your front door. If you can't install a peep

hole, always ask "Who's there?" before opening the door. Many women

also call out "I'll get it, dear!" to show they are not alone.

Before opening the door to any salesman or repairman, demand

identification from the person at your door. It is wise to check this

identification by phone or ask a neighbor to keep you company while

the repairman or salesman is in your home.

Teach children not to open the door to anyone or tell any phone caller

where you are or when you will return.

If you are a renter, you may request, in writing, that your landlord

repair or install locks on doors and windows. Your landlord is

responsible for keeping such areas as the front and back of the

building, hallways, and courtyards well lit.

Safety on the street:

Research has shown that people who stand straight, walk with a firm step, look ahead rather than down, and act like they know where they are going are less likely to be seen as possible victims.

It is not necessary to stop and be polite when a stranger or slight acquaintance asks a question in a public place. It's okay to answer "I don't know" and walk on, or not to answer at all. It's not necessary to let anyone force you into an association you don't want. Repeating firmly and with conviction, "No, I don't want to do that!" has worked for some people.

Keep one hand free when carrying packages.

Avoid dark, empty places.

Listen for footsteps. Turn around if you think you are being followed

and check. If you think someone is following you, cross the street,

yell, and if possible, run to the nearest lighted area where there are

other people.

Have door keys and car keys ready before you get home.

Avoid walking alone if you are distracted, upset, or under the

influence of any substance which might impair your action.

Be especially alert in elevators, parking structures, supermarket and

mall parking lots, and laundromats. Enter these places with a friend

or co-worker whenever possible.

Safety while traveling by car or by bus:

Always check the front and back of your car before entering. If

someone is in your car, leave immediately.

Keep your gas tank at least one-quarter full at all times.

Keep car doors locked at all time. Lock your car when you leave it,

even if you'll only be gone a few minutes.

If you are followed, blow your horn and drive to a police station or

other public space (like the fire department), if possible.

When waiting for the bus, stand behind the bus bench, balanced and

ready for action.

Keep packages, purses, etc., tucked under your arm.

Sit by the driver if unsure of the route.

Stay awake in the bus.

Have money for emergency calls.

Notice who gets off at your stop.

Trust Your Instincts

If you're feeling it's unfair to have to think about these safety tips all the time, you're right. However, it is important that you keep yourself as safe as possible. Many sexual assault survivors say that they had a "funny feeling" before the assault, but thought they were overreacting. Alcohol can suppress these feelings, too. If your intuition tells you that something is wrong, or if you feel threatened or uncomfortable in any situation, try to get to a safeplace as soon as possible.

The two key themes in self-protection are awareness of surroundings and assertiveness for yourself. Sexual assault counselors are trained to provide information on self-protection strategies. They can answer questions regarding the suggestions listed above, help locate self-defense courses or counseling in your area. At GMU, you can contact the Sexual Assault Counselor at 993-2380 or the Sexual Assault Services Coordinator at 993-4364.