from UVA's A Guide to Surviving Sexual Assault

as adapted by GMU Sexual Assault Services 1995

A marriage license or living together doesn't give your partner license to demand sexual activity. Many men believe that they have a right to their wives' bodies; this is not true. This is not only an opinion; spousal rape is against the law in Virginia.

If you have been sexually assaulted by your mate, you have some medical and legal rights. An important medical right is the right to have a private medical examination without the presence of your partner. Your husband or boyfriend may want to accompany you to the examining room, or be present when you are answering questions asked by a health care professional. The physician or nurse can exclude him from the room to ensure your privacy. You also have the right to have treatment for your injuries without having to tell who hurt you. Additionally, you have the right to a pregnancy test and a test for sexually transmitted diseases. You also have the right to refuse to report the assault to a law enforcement officer even if the health care professional suggests that you report it.

You have legal rights if you have been assaulted by your husband. In the Commonwealth of Virginia, it is against the law for your husband to force you to have sex. Virginia has a marital sexual assault law and a marital rape law to protect women from unwanted sexual activity with their spouses. According to the law, it is as serious a crime for your husband to sexually assault you as it is for a stranger to sexually assault you. There are legal options available for you. In Northern Virginia, you may call the Fairfax County Women's Shelter at 435-4948, or Fairfax County Victims Assistance Network at 690-7273 for more information.

You may have been a victim of other types of violence from your partner, too. He may have often told you that you were worthless, threatened you or your children, prevented you from having a job, or hit you. This type of behavior is called domestic violence, and a study done in 1984 found that almost 78% of women who had been victims of domestic violence had also been forced to have sex with their husbands or boyfriends after they had said "no."

Remember, no one deserves to be sexually assaulted by a partner or by anyone else. There are some reasons, however, that you may have submitted to sexual pressure:

Your husband physically overpowered you.

You were afraid that your mate might harm you or the children if you

resisted.

You believed that you should submit to him, because you are his wife.

You were afraid that he would abandon you or stop financially supporting

you and your children if you resisted.

You wanted him to stop being angry.

You thought that he might change and be nice again if you would give in

to him.

All the reasons listed above are understandable, because you were trying to survive and do the best you could. But no one has the right to force you to do anything sexually that you do not want to do. If you want to talk about your feelings and have some support for what you're going through, contact a crisis intervention 24-hour hotline (Northern Virginia Hotline) at 527-4077 or the Vienna Women's Center at 281-2657, or the GMU Women's Center at 993-2896.