from UVA's A Guide to Surviving Sexual Assault

as adapted by GMU Sexual Assault Services 1995

If you are a teenager and have been sexually assaulted:

You may feel frightened and humiliated.

You may fear that if you tell your parents, they may try to limit your

activities in an attempt to protect you.

If you were assaulted when breaking a school rule, like skipping class,

you may be afraid of getting in trouble over the rule violation.

If you were assaulted when breaking a parental or house rule, like

breaking curfew or drinking alcohol, you may be afraid of getting in

trouble also.

You may be afraid of harassment at school if your peers know you were

assaulted.

You may worry that your family or friends will create more stress for

you by threatening retaliation against your assailant.

If you were assaulted by someone you know, or someone trusted by your

family, you may be afraid that your family/friends will doubt what you

tell them.

If you were assaulted by a friend or a date, you may feel pressure from

friends who don't want you to get the assailant in trouble.

There are some things you need to know right away:

Any sexual activity forced on you against your will is a crime. It may be called rape, molestation, child sexual abuse, date rape, dating violence, or some other name. What happened wasn't your fault, whether you were assaulted by a stranger or by someone you know, or even if you were doing something you knew was risky, like hitchhiking.

It is really important that you get medical care as soon as possible. You may have things wrong that you can't feel right now. And, it's wise to let someone you trust know what happened; it can help a lot to talk about your feelings. Remember that you aren't alone. It's estimated that one-third of all young people in the United States are sexually assaulted by the time they are eighteen. This could be by a stranger, an acquaintance, a date, or a relative. And many young people are abused in relationships.

Perhaps the most difficult form of sexual abuse to talk about is incest. Nobody talks about it, but it can happen in any family. The offender can be a father, step-father, uncle, older sibling, or other family member. Both girls and boys can be victims of incest. If incest is happening to you, you may be afraid that reporting it will lead to big problems at home, maybe even breaking up your family. A counselor can answer your questions about this and help you figure out what to do. As a teenager, you may have a lot of pressure on you. Try and concentrate on one thing: you have been hurt and you need help. The person who hurt you is responsible for what he/she did, not you. You may be worried about other people or concerned about protecting them, but right now your needs are more important than anything else.

Remember:

You aren't to blame for what happened.

There are people who will believe you.

There are people who want to help. See the section "Can Anyone Help Me?"

on p 25 for their names and phone numbers.

I am a Lesbian Survivor

Just like heterosexual women, lesbians can be sexually assaulted. In most cases this happens simply because they are female. Yet there are rapists who target gay or bisexual women, expressing their anti-lesbian hatred through this kind of violence, as a way to "teach them a lesson," or "show them what they really need." Or you may have been assaulted by your partner or another woman in an abusive relationship.

Whatever the circumstances of your assault, you may have fears and concerns specifically related to being gay in addition to those which any woman faces. These concerns may be not only about what occurred during the assault, but about how you will be treated by the health care and criminal justice system, your friends, family, and, if you are in a relationship, your partner.

Some of the issues you may face are:

fear of disclosure to friends, family, employers;

fear that your sexual identity will be seen as your central "problem"

by health care providers, instead of the assault;

fear of losing children, if your family or a former male partner learns

that you are a lesbian;

concerns that your case will not be taken seriously because of your

sexual orientation;

fear that you will be arrested for violating Virginia's anti-sodomy laws.[37;0m

For a woman who has rarely or never experienced heterosexual intercourse, forcible penetration may be particularly frightening or painful. The possibility of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases may be concerns you aren't used to thinking about. It's also possible that you may lose interest in sexual activity or possibly question your sexual identity after an assault. Even women who feel very comfortable and secure with their sexual identity may have feelings of vulnerability, guilt or self-blame.

Try to keep in mind that in the emergency room you may be asked questions which seem oppressive. The hospital staff may assume that you are heterosexual, and they need to know if you have had recent voluntary sexual intercourse or use birth control in order to evaluate your medical needs. If you feel you have been treated badly, or staff reacts uncomfortably to your answers, let the sexual assault center know. Regardless of how you feel about your sexuality-- still questioning, closeted, or totally "out" --you are entitled to the same sensitive treatment heterosexual women should receive. (See "Who can help me?).

If you suspect or know that the assailant knew you were a lesbian, you may want to report the assault to a hate crime reporting hotline. (See "Who Can Help Me?"). Virginians for Justice have a reporting hotline, as does the U.S. Department of Justice. Any crime committed against someone on the basis of her/his race, religion, sexual orientation or ethnicity is a violation of the federal Hate Crimes Act, and therefore falls under the U.S. Department of Justice's jurisdiction. When reporting to either hotline, you don't have to identify yourself.

If you have a partner, she will have her own set of reactions and feelings about your assault. Those feelings may be intensified if she is a survivor herself. Suggest she read the section addressed to partners.

Above all, it is important to remember that the assault is not something you brought on yourself. This may be hard to acknowledge if you are still coming to terms with your sexuality, or the assailant indicated that he knew you were a lesbian. Self-doubt is a natural by-product of a sexist, homophobic and heterosexist society. You have the right to services which are non-judgmental and to surround yourself with those who can emotionally support you best through the healing process.

I am a Male Survivor

It's likely that you never thought sexual assault could happen to you, probably because we all are socialized to see sexual assault as a crime against women, not against men. Because of this, many men have a hard time grasping that this is not a sexual crime. You have survived a violent assault. Sexual assault is devastating to all victims, regardless of gender, and many reactions are shared by both male and female victims. You may feel rage, shame, guilt, powerlessness, helplessness, concerns regarding your safety, and/or symptoms of physical illness.

However, there are special issues which may be different for you such as doubts about your sexuality or masculinity or reluctance to be examined for medical procedures. You may hesitate to report the assault to law enforcement for fear of ridicule or fear that they won't believe you. The same feelings apply to telling other people you know and to finding appropriate resources and support. This is true even if you experienced the assault when you were very young and only now are realizing you need help.

You need to know that:

strong or weak;

outgoing or withdrawn;

gay, straight, or bisexual;

old or young;

whatever your physical appearance;

you have done nothing that justifies this attack. At no point and under no circumstance does anyone have the right to violate or control another's body. Sexual assault is a crime of violence and power, not of lust or passion.

You may need special support. There are several forms of help available to you:

You can call a crisis line anonymously and request a male counselor.

You can request an older or male nurse to assist in your treatment at

the hospital.

You can find a support group of male survivors to help you in your

healing process.

As a man, many factors or fears may influence your decision to report or not report to law enforcement. There are both advantages and disadvantages if you choose to report.

The advantages include:

you may apply for Victims Crime Compensation;

the assailant may be caught and brought to trial;

collection of medical evidence will be paid for by the Commonwealth

of Virginia.

Your report may help protect others.

The disadvantages include:

you may be treated in an insensitive manner;

you may not be believed;

prosecution is often unsuccessful.

If you are a gay or bisexual male, you may feel that somehow you "brought this on" to yourself. You may fear disclosure of your sexual orientation. And you may know your assailant: he could be an acquaintance, a friend, a work supervisor, a professor, a date. The elsewhere is this material can help you find gay-affirmative counseling. The section for lesbian survivors may also be helpful. Feeling responsible is a normal reaction to sexual assault.

There is some evidence that males involved in homosexual activity or relationships are vulnerable to sexual assault. In some cases, males may consent to a certain level of sexual contact, only to be coerced or forced into additional activity by another male.

Males who live in certain living restrictive settings, such as detention centers and prisons, are more likely than others to be sexually assaulted. In these cases, they may be assaulted either by peers or by those in authority (e.g., prison guards).

Though there are few reports of males being sexually assaulted by females, we cannot assume that it does not happen. These instances may be subtle and probably would involve stereotypical assumptions about male sexuality that make it difficult to identify them as sexual assaults. Some of these assump- tions include: (a) males are always ready and eager to have sex; (b) males must always be sexually dominant and in control; and (c) sexual activity with a woman is desirable under any circumstances - and therefore cannot be traumatic. When a female initiates sexual contact based on these assumptions, it may be difficult for the male to let her know he is an unwilling partici- pant.

If a male feels he has been assaulted by either a female or another male, he might be reluctant to report it or seek help because of the fear that he will be perceived as unmasculine/homosexual or that others will not take his complaint seriously.

Feeling responsible is a normal reaction to sexual assault. However, sexual assault is never the responsibility of the survivor. You did nothing to deserve this. You may want to talk to someone about your feelings. There are counselors in the area who are skilled in working with male survivors of sexual assault. See "Can Anyone Help Me?" for ways to contact them.

I am a Survivor With a Disability

Most people aren't aware that sexual assaults against people with physical, visual, mental or emotional disabilities are very common. This is because people who commit these assaults perceive people with disabilities as easy targets, and they do frequently get away with these crimes. The misconception abounds that people who use wheelchairs, or who may be mentally disabled, have no sexual feelings or even concern about such matters, therefore, it's OK to take advantage of them. It's also very possible you know the person who abused you. Most of the time, the assailant is someone the survivor knows, or who has some role in her/his care. You may have even become disabled, or further disabled, because of the abuse.

It's important for you to know that no one has the right to assault you. You might feel powerless to do something about what has or is happening, because this person has control of your care, even of your finances. Regardless of that person's role in your life, you still have the right to file a complaint and seek redress.

You may find, as you may have prior to your assault, that people who are supposed to be "helping" you treat you as being helpless, or unable to understand what happened. They may ignore your needs, acting as though they know what is best for you. Others may feel that you won't be effective in helping apprehend your assailant. All these ideas are misconceptions about people with disabilities, not facts. You have the right to be treated with the same care and concern that able-bodied survivors do. It is OK to ask a companion from George Mason University Sexual Assault Services (993-4364), Fairfax County Victim Assistance Network (360-7273), or SAVAS in Prince William County (368-4141), for example to help you.

The assault may make you feel very vulnerable. You may want to seek emotional support and other kinds of assistance from local agencies which advocate for persons with disabilities. It might be helpful to ask the agency if there is a staff member with experience in working with sexual assault issues; because this is rarely the case, you may decide to work with two advocates; a sexual assault companion and a disabilities advocate. You may also want to learn self-defense; regardless of your disability, there are techniques, including assertiveness and physical techniques modified to your needs, which you may find empowering.

I am a Deaf or Hard-of-Hearing Survivor

Survivors who are Deaf or Hard-of-Hearing face very different barriers than those with other disabilities. The most significant barrier is communication accessibility. You may have experienced a tendency by people to ignore you because they don't know how to deal with your deafness. The hearing world may feel very separate from your own; you may have had negative experiences in the past with doctors, police, or counselors, or crisis lines which claim to be TTY-accessible, but in fact, are not.

Because so much of modern knowledge comes from the spoken word, whether through the media or casual conversation, information about rape, sexual abuse, battering and harassment has only recently been discussed in the Deaf community. If you are not part of this community, you may still feel uninformed about these issues. More and more services are addressing the needs of Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing survivors; some have deaf advocates and hotline counselors. However, most "helping" services still view deafness as a medical problem to be cured, not a culture with its own proud traditions and language.

If you are unaware of your rights as a Deaf or Hard-of-Hearing consumer, that information is available (See "Can Anyone Help Me?). Police, hospitals, and Commonwealth's attorneys are all required by law to provide qualified sign- language interpreters and other auxiliary aids as needed. You have the right to request a qualified sign-language or oral interpreter, if you need one. Miscommunication is all-too easy in these situations, so try to keep as much control as you can. It might also be helpful to have an advocate who can be your "reality checker" if you feel something has gone wrong. Hearing or Deaf, what is important is that the advocate be knowledgeable about the rights of survivors.

It's also possible that you will have to travel some distance to find the kind of counseling that you feel is right for you, particularly if you seek a professional counselor who is Deaf, or one who is highly skilled in sign- language. Advocates from George Mason University Sexual Assault Services, Prince William County S.A.V.A.S., or Fairfax County Victim Assistance Network can try to help you find the appropriate resource.