**Although men are as susceptible to rape as women, many of the reported
cases involve a male assailant and a woman victim. However, the ideas
expressed in this section apply to any acquaintance rape situation.
1. Listen carefully. Take the time to hear what the woman is saying. If you
feel she is not being direct or is giving you a "mixed message," ask for a
clarification.
2. Don't fall for the common stereotype that when a woman says "No" she really
means "Yes." "No" means "No." If a woman says "No" to sexual contact,
believe her and stop.
3. Remember that date rape is a crime. It is never acceptable to use force in
sexual situations, no matter what the circumstances.
4. Don't make assumptions about a woman's behavior. Don't automatically assume
that a woman wants to have sex just because she drinks heavily, dresses
provocatively, or agrees to go to your room. Don't assume that just because
a woman has had sex with you previously she is willing to have sex with you
again. Also don't assume that just because a woman consents to kissing or
other sexual intimacies, she is willing to have sexual intercourse.
5. Be aware that having sex with someone who is mentally or physically
incapable of giving consent is rape. If you have sex with a woman who is
drugged, intoxicated, passed out, incapable of saying "No," or unaware of
what is happening around her, you may be guilty of rape.
6. Be especially careful in group situations. Be prepared to resist pressure
from friends to participate in violent or criminal acts.
7. "Get involved" if you believe someone is at risk. If you see a woman in
trouble at a party or a male friend using force or pressuring a woman,
don't be afraid to intervene. You may save the woman from the trauma of
sexual assault and your friend from the ordeal of criminal prosecution.
Both men and women should be especially careful in situations involving the use of alcohol or drugs. Alcohol and drugs can interfere with your ability to massess situations and to communicate effectively.
1. Know your sexual intentions and limits. You have the right to say "No"" to
any unwanted sexual contact. If you are uncertain about what you want, ask
the man to respect your feelings.
2. Communicate your limits firmly and directly. If you say "No," say it like
you mean it. Don't give mixed messages. Back up your words with a firm tone
of voice and clear body language.
3. Don't rely on "ESP" to get your message across. Don't assume that your date
will automatically know how you feel, or will eventually "get the message"
without your having to tell him.
4. Remember that some men think that drinking heavily, dressing provocatively,
or going to a man's room indicates a willingness to have sex. Be especially
careful to communicate your limits and intentions clearly in such situa
tions.
5. Listen to your gut feelings. If you feel uncomfortable or think you may be
at risk, leave the situation immediately and go to a safe place.
6. Don't be afraid to "make waves" if you feel threatened. If you feel you are
being pressured or coerced into sexual activity against your will, don't
hesitate to state your feelings and get out of the situation. Better a few
minutes of social awkwardness or embarrassment than the trauma of sexual
assault.
On Consent:
It's difficult to talk about sex, even as we engage in sexual activity. Unfortunately, both men and women are socialized to believe certain things about the other, with disastrous results. One belief is that sexual foreplay implies consent to engage in intercourse or other forms of sex. But if a person -- male or female -- has not explicitly said, "Yes, I want to do this," it is wrong to assume consent has been given. Thus, you may be presumed to have committed sexual assault. Regardless of your mental state, whether or not anyone involved has been drinking or using drugs, or you simply don't want to hear what the other person is saying, sexual intercourse forced upon another without their consent, is rape. When you aren't sure, ASK. If the answer is not clear, remember that ambivalence is an answer, too. It usually means, "I'm not ready,yet, even if I might want to one day." It's OK to talk about that. Err on the side of caution. When consent is not clear, DON'T.